The Society for Librarians* Who Say "Motherfucker"

Fingernails.

2013-05-17T02:43:32Z

Clip them at your own damned house. I do not want to hear that little *snick snick* of your nailclippers echoing in my eardrums from halfway across the library. I also, and most especially, do not want to see your clippings scattered across a table, an upholstered chair, and on the carpet around said table and chair. Use a garbage can, FFS.

That is all.

nasty smelly garbage

2013-05-02T00:40:25Z

The trash at the reference desk gets emptied once a week. Would you think reference librarians might be smart enough not to put smelly food garbage (e.g., the most oniony sandwiches ever created on earth) in that trash all week long? A larger trash container that gets emptied daily is about 12 steps away (okay, through a door, but it's not locked).

And I was going to empty the ref trash into the regular trash, but there aren't any more trashbags with which to line the container.

beware! the crazies are out.

2013-04-27T22:22:31Z

my blue haired coworker had an official complaint lodged against her by a patron. the patron claimed that she was, "practicing witchcraft and mind magic to harm me and my incarcerated brother."
yes. that just happened.

More crazy than mofo, I guess...

2013-04-27T16:30:20Z

I had a rather bizarre experience at work the other day. A young woman came up to the circ desk and said she had a problem. I asked her what was wrong, and she started off with, "you know how sometimes you get the feeling someone is looking at you but you can't see anyone?"
So right away my crazy-dar started going off, but I kept listening to her. Then, she told me that when she was in the computer lab, there was a guy lying on the floor looking at people. Which, while weird and creepy, is certainly not impossible, every so often we do get guys doing creepy/inappropriate things in the building. So I told her I'd call security and asked what the guy looked like.
She didn't say what he looked like, but went on to say that she went to leave the building, and the same guy was standing by the door, so she pulled out her knife and walked past him. So at that point my co-worker called the police and security.
The woman was behaving very erratically, so I'm not really sure if there was a guy at all. And if there was some guy creeping in the computer lab and she left while he was still there, how could he have gotten to the exit before her? Unless it was a teleporting creeper.
Anyway, the police and security talked to her, but I never found out how the whole thing was resolved.

Treadmills in the library...

2013-04-26T23:58:59Z

yep that's right, our wonderful administration is considering getting some treadmills and letting patrons use them.

I give up!

Naked came the mofo

2013-04-22T20:46:24Z

Anyone have any idea why my library's internet filter blocks me from the wikipedia entry for the book "Naked Came the Stranger" but lets me on youporn just fine?

It happened again!

2013-04-20T23:11:04Z

The public library somehow misplaced my brother's returns AGAIN. Seriously, this is the fourth or fifth time that this has happened. However, the twist today is that two of the three books were considered overdue and I had to talk to a supervisor when I insisted that this was not the case.

I actually wasn't that angry. Frustrated, yes, but not angry. That all changed when I was trying to explain to the supervisor what had happened and she cut me off by saying that she would waive the fines and when I tried, again, to explain why I was up there, she just cut me off again with a, "I don't want to fight with you."

!!!!!!!

I wasn't angry before, but now I'm pissed. I told her she was being incredibly rude and condescending for refusing to listen to me without hearing what I had to say. I even told her I was a solo school librarian and I was understanding the first couple of times (because anyone can make a mistake), but really? FOUR TIMES?! While I'm grateful that she had waived the fines, it's ridiculous that I have to even talk to her about erasing them because something in their system keeps glitching and not properly checking in my brother's items. I don't know if she thought she was being nice by waiving the fines automatically or if she just wanted to avoid confrontation, but interrupting and cutting me off in mid-sentence was neither nice nor non-confrontational.

Before anyone says that my brother really could have returned the items late, it's actually not possible. My brother has a cognitive disorder that makes him adhere to routines, one of which is that he always has his library items in the same pile, in the same corner of his room. When he is done with them, they always go in his library bag. Taking his items out of his room probably will cause him some sort of physical pain.
While he does not have eidetic memory, he does display OCD-type behaviors. If he can tell which of his Yu-Gi-Oh cards (he has over a hundred) were shuffled around and misplaced, then he can tell which of his library items are missing.

The best solution is that we will bring all of his items up to the circulation desk and have the librarians check in each item while we wait. This is probably more of an inconvenience to them than it is to us, considering that he may have up to 20 items out at a time, but if that's what it'll take to keep this from happening, then that's what we'll do.

not really mofo...

2013-04-19T14:18:12Z

Just the weirdest question ever...

A woman called my tiny branch library yesterday and asked, quite seriously, if anyone on staff at the library could perform marriages...

I answered "No"

She said thank you and hung up...

WTF???

Is it like this in ALL libraries??????????????????????????

2013-04-17T21:28:59Z

Does stupidity run rampant in all libraries? I'm not talking patrons, I'm talking employee's and administration!!! For goodness sake, the people who run ours, are running it right into the ground. I can't stand it, I have to come home a drink some wine just to calm down from the fuckery going on.

Overdue blues

2013-04-16T23:56:56Z

Best argument for not paying late fees ever?

"They're just for research. It's not like anyone wants them."

Possible runner up:

"You were closed because of the snow day! I couldn't return the books!"
"Sir, the snow day was four months ago...we have drop boxes and we've been open since then."
"No, but the day I tried to return them, you were closed because of the snow!"

Elementary School Libraries, don't understand something

2013-04-15T01:03:42Z

I have a friend working at one of our city elementary school libraries and asked what she does. Her answer, "I'm a librarian" I didn't want to embarrass her since we were with a bunch of friends but she never went to college and my next question was who else does she work with, guess what NO ONE, she runs the library by herself. I checked the other schools in our district and all of them are run by what they call Library Paraprofessionals.

What do you think about this, just curious.

Newbie librarian seeks all the advice

2013-04-12T03:07:16Z

Hello everyone! As the title says I'm new to the whole library field. I've not got my MLS yet (hopefully only a couple of semesters left!), but I've been really lucky to land a reference position at my local public library.

So I've been kind of thrown into my library's YA program. The previous librarian didn't really do a whole lot in the way of programs, and because of this, there isn't really a teen group. There hasn't been a summer reading program for teens in a really long time, and every time I ask someone what sounds like a good idea, I'm met with an enthusiastic "It's whatever you want to do! Just go for it!" Great! I would like a bit of a guide, though. There isn't even a TAB and no volunteers who aren't there because they have to do community service. So!

How does your library manage the summer reading logs? Do you give little prizes by books read or by pages read? What kind of prizes? How do you know they actually read the book?

Along with that, I'd appreciate any advice you can give. I've only just taken over the program in the last couple of months and while I'm pretty confident about ordering books, making displays, and my regular reference duties, teen programs are a pretty terrifying concept.

I'd really appreciate any advice you can give!

ETA: You guys are so amazing. Thank you so much for all the help!

Help me out with this

2013-04-09T21:25:46Z

Whenever we get a parent with a small child in the adult computer area and the kid is screaming down the place, I get yelled at by the parent when I suggest that the child should be taken somewhere else.

I got screamed at by a mother threatening to sue us because her special needs kid (on a leash!) was climbing on a bookcart and banging it with a hard toy, and I suggested she take him up to children's.

I was told that I was "rude" to a woman's four year old because I set the computer keyboard out of his reach so he wouldn't bang on it anymore.

A woman with a screaming two year old refused to go to the children's room because "I have a paper to write and I have a right to be here."

Has anyone mastered the art of dealing with parents like this, or is there just no good way?

mofo

2013-04-09T03:21:29Z

I got to deal with a real mofo at work today. This woman came to check out a couple books.
She told me she knew she had a fine on her account, but that she couldn't pay it now. I said that was fine as long as it was below $5, because $5 is the maximum.
When I pulled up her account, it had $21.25 in fines on it. When I told her that, she said that that was wrong because they waived some of her fines because she was an artist (??)
I asked her if she wanted to talk to a supervisor about it, but she declined, and accused me of having "given her a hard time" before and said that she would come back later when I wasn't there. Then she asked for my name, which I wrote down for her. Then she said she hoped I would know what it was like to be unemployed.
I told my manager what happened in case she tried to call the library and say I was rude to her or something. I mean...I didn't do anything wrong at all. She's just an entitled bitch.

Number of Holds Allowed

2013-03-28T10:56:16Z

Just want to take a little survey here if you don't mind. Do you limit the number of holds a patron can place? We do not and this has become a huge debate. We only allow 60 items checked out on their card but you have people requesting 300 and more items and when a ton of them come in at once, guess what, you can only have 60 and it's just a lot of work all the way around. thanks.

Please forgive me it's my 2nd post today, but parents who drop of their kids and leave are mofos

2013-03-25T20:43:17Z

Thanks for leaving your two new foster kids here, thinking they can just play on the computer for the next 5 hours. Actually since they don't have library cards and because of a little thing called CIPA, I can't just let them on, even as they start crying because they have been looking forward to it for days. Thanks for making me be the bad guy. Thanks for leaving a 8 and a 14 year old unsupervised who have no way to contact you because they don't have your number and don't know your last name yet. Thanks for letting me worry about them (even though like "no in loco parentis") as a super-friendly middle aged man who is not a regular here comes over to them and starts chit chatting with them (thankfully he leaves shortly).

"computer illiterate" mofos

2013-03-25T15:12:27Z

Anyone here have a successful response they have given to people who assume that because we have public computers for use, that we are available to show them how to use them? I'm not talking about people who need help attaching a file to an email, finding a job search website or re-sizing a photo, but the self confessed "computer illiterates" who have never used a PC? We are a small library and we are often not incredibly busy, so the perception is that we should be able to sit down with them and teach them how to use a mouse, set up an email account, find the pictures their families posted, etc etc etc. I keep a handful of applicable books at the desk, which I suggest they may want to borrow, make print outs showing places were they can take classes, suggest they find a friend or family member and make a reservation to use one of the computers that is better suited to having two people sitting at it, but they look at me like I'm the most unhelpful lazy public service worker ever. I try to explain that like reading literacy, computer literacy is a learned skill, not something that I can show them in 5 minutes, but that seems to offend, which I am really not trying to do.

just a couple quick things

2013-03-21T22:08:36Z

Dearest Patrons,

I understand your logic, I really do, but we don't have secret vacuum tubes in our back room that connect us to all the library districts around the nation. When you return library books to us that belong to a district in Eastern Kansas (I'm in Colorado), all we can really do is put them in USPS. Just like you would. Oh, except now you don't have to pay postal charges, do you? We do. I guess you'll still deal with the overdue charges, but we don't get any of that.

Similarly, you have a library card to District A. That's great and awesome, they're a good district, I grew up in District A. However, we are District R. Entirely different district, different city, different county. So that would explain why you're having trouble signing in to the computers and checking out materials and everything else. You'll have to go to the librarian and get a library card for our district. It's totally free, and there's no wait, so I don't understand why you're so angry and frustrated.

Love,
Me

I'm slightly surprised that nobody lately has shown up at my branch expecting to be able to pick up their holds that are in another building. Like we wait for them to come in from wherever and then just print the book off for them. I *did* have a man who was irate because he got a Kindle thinking he would be able to access every book in the library from home. The reference librarian spent about 40 minutes with him and his wife explaining the ebook industry .

Wisconson man banned from "all libraries on the face of the earth."

2013-03-15T16:22:22Z

No, seriously..http://journaltimes.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/man-forbidden-from-all-libraries-on-the-face-of-the/article_47bd9ac8-8ce5-11e2-9371-001a4bcf887a.html
He got nabbed for masturbating in the library, and it was a condition of his release. I doubt it would stand on appeal, but still...

library_mofo @ 2013-03-12T11:53:00

2013-03-12T15:53:36Z

Dear Muttonhead,

If you're curious as to why I left early, you should know that

1) I really don't like it when you go shopping around for answers. I tell you one thing, you don't like it, you go to a person who gives you the answer you want. (And I really don't like it when others gloss over such insubordination as "that's just the way you are.")

2) I really, really don't like it when you ask me a question, get an answer, and I follow up on the question like a good pseudomanager should, only to find out you emailed the higher-up the night before and hashed out the answer with him, as it makes me look like an idiot.

3) Your constant whining about the task we've both been assigned to do is NOT appreciated. It's an inglorious butt of a task and your peevish complaining is making it worse. SHUT UP.

No love, today or ever, me.

just picking the brains of this brainy community

2013-03-09T17:08:16Z

no rant today, just a question:
I often come across a DVD that is fairly scratched up. I want to know whether to put that DVD back on the shelf or send it to be repaired or withdrawn. However, I want to do that without playing the entire DVD in order to see how much damage the scratches actually represent. Does anyone know if there is a way to tell by looking at a DVD if it is sufficiently damaged not to play well, or at least to make an educated guess?

Seriously, though, does this happen often?

2013-03-03T22:10:57Z

Graded A for Audacity

Welcome Back, Don't get Squished

2013-03-01T23:53:48Z

After 2.5 years out of the library world (home with kids), I am back in a brand new city's public library.

One of my first days, I was taken down to the basement (staff only) stacks. It was my first encounter with rolling stacks, and I was told "Now, most of these stacks don't stay apart, so you want to get the book as quickly as possible, or brace yourself against each side as you get your books, so you don't get squished."
Hello! Heath and Safety? Not so much in this place. Just "Don't get squished." It's like a trip to the Death Star's trash compactor.

Good thing I'm young and spry.

This may be relevant to your interests

2013-03-01T09:12:41Z

Fannish Librarians: The Intersection of Fandom and Library and Information

" a research study which will include a survey of members of the library and information science community (such as librarians, library students, library paraprofessionals, information management specialists, and people who have worked or studied in these fields but no longer do so) who have been or are involved in fandom"

Statistics. I hate them.

2013-02-25T21:34:23Z

It's academic survey time! Welcome to the annual round of up a lot of people debating semantics about instructions that are in no way clear, thank you so much, as we're asked to account for the work we do. Or in some people's case, don't do and lie about.

It's times like these I am glad that I am not considered a librarian at this position, no matter that I do the work of one. It means I can throw my hands up into the air and say you tell me what to do and I'll do it because I don't care just pick a number.

I suspect who we're reporting to doesn't care, either.

What makes it even better is that on top of this, I'm in charge of creating the new statistics database. To do this, I require statistics. As in, what we want to count, and how, across one main and two branch libraries. That's right, three reference departments. Three. And honestly, they aren't the worst despite the constant love-hate battle with the READ scale. No, circulation is the worst. Somehow each library has managed to count circulation stats differently.

I failed math at every opportunity I had and I still can't figure out how they managed that.

The only upside is the first survey is due at the end of the week so they can only drive me to murderous thoughts until Thursday. Well, about this, anyway.